What is the Hiding?
The hiding is hiding my true self and trying to paint on the facade a few feet in front of me of what I think you, and God, want to see. In the world it is worldliness, in the church it is 'good works'. But the problem is that no matter how well I do all of that, the real me never gets loved and the real me gets very, very tired, and I become a sucker for anything in this world that looks like unconditional love, which will lead me into something that also has to be hidden, like an addiction. I cannot show the real me, that is too vulnerable, that has been hurt too many times and I'm just not going to let that happen again, if I at all can. So I hide, I fake it, and for me, I go off and cry alone. Because I am so very alone, even amidst all kinds of approval. Because the approval isn't for me, it's for my actions, my 'performance' if you will. At least that is what I think. I think my true self is a mess, but what I have not been aware of most of my C...