Journey Out of Hiding

 A  concern that I want to put down That I am anything less than to another human being to another human doing, when comparing my doing it is  never enough. Here Jesus, I don't want it anymore. What does it look like? inky black dripping from my hands, my face, a wringing in my heart. Your face reflects the weight of this thing knowing the toll it has taken on me today, as you take it. And as you give me back clean, clean hands, clean face, you smile. Gently, like  I am so  precious to you Even though, even though. Even though, everything every failure every lost hope every waylaid dream, every unfulfilled fake potential. Oh Lord how, when? How long until we are  DONE with this part of the journey? I smile, until there is a new part equally puzzling. Thanks for clean hands tonight. A face, that, though I am transparent about the journey, still others see Light, Love, Laughter... YOU More Holy, More invitation to me I want to believe for all you want to...

  I saw myself today, it was not the first time visiting this old memory. This is time for a healing that is deeper. Me, here, so young so focused on the perpetrator still carrying the load I could not carry. This is where you learned to give  that is all to give. not to get to listen to yourself not to choose, just be  used. This is why love is bringing up  this painful event to set free from those shackles on wrists. "Bring her into the light this space is no longer truth." Jesus, c an you show me what  the Fathers love looks like? Does he require? the veil seems to open and a new view of "Father" comes into view, A Father who is also Mother, warmth, tenderness, embracing, coming toward, to wrap arms around  embracing aloneness,  a balm to wounds... My heart begins to feel filling up longings untold. "Stay, stay a while, stay as long as you can" I check out, it can be too much even all I deeply long for. I return gently the heart begins to be touched...