Journey Out of Hiding

Part three: Something in me knows only You can heal me Then it was about ‘What did this make me do?”-- another aspect of forgiveness:     It came out of my mouth tonight when I first felt the pain, “Why would I trust anyone, if this is what they can do to me?”  It had come up before when realizing experiencing Your love for me being like an ocean. It became clear that I hide myself from people, to try to protect from more hurts like this one.     I just sat with this awhile, I am unwilling to drop this guard.  In the Cure, I think, it says, “At any point, Your grace and love for us is such that You will let us leave these encounters at any point, even if there is unfinished work to do.”  You do not push. I didn’t relate as to why I was thinking about that just then. But I had a choice to make, did I want to give up this self-protection? And I was pondering it.     Finally, I said, “You do it.”   Another mind re...

It’s still happening, so…. ... The memory came up tonight is back, it seems brought up by Holy Spirit. It's of my Dad, when he and my Mom divorced I was very young.  What I believe is that it was because of me.  Tonight, I feel the bitterness toward my step-sister who got to grow up with my Dad. I have not felt this before, well, I have felt uncomfortable towards her, but not known where in the world it could be coming from. Each time she and I have chanced to speak over the years she has been extremely kind to me. Way more than I expected. For some unknown reason each time it has surprised me. I have thuoght like, she shouldn't even recognize me or something crazy like that. Not that I wanted to react that way, I would have loved to be more open with someone so accepting of me.  On my side there has been a total hiding, I couldn't think of anything to say to her, wasn't sure I recognized her; and did not expect at all that she would want to talk to me. It's p...