That last post was over a year ago. I didn't post it until today when I came back to write another one, on the same subject. Today I am on yet another new adventure, why does He keep bringing them when they cause me this much pain!? Oh, yeah, He's good and it is to set me free. Well, that's what happened again today.
This year it is starting school. I was very, well not very, but at least comfortably engaged in a part time job, that I could do, but that offered little availability for advancement. I began starting looking toward going to school six months ago, finally decided on something I think may fit, and here I am, it starts next week and my job ended last week, the week before Christmas. I've had a week at home and as usual I'm miserable and wonderful alternately. Every time I rest I get uncomfortable, working my butt of physically worked for me, but I'm 48 years old now. I wanted to think of the future. So, I signed up for school and we are finding funding to pay for it.
The lies that came up this time were different than the last post, these were more foundational, not so event specific. When I prayed and I mean really prayed, I found a great prayer from someone else that knows God in a way I am just learning to that asks God to send His ministering spirits, angels, to fight on my behalf the things that bind me up. Here is a link if you are interested: www.perichoresis.org/prayer-1/ . It is so immersed in the essence of Jesus first, and the Father it's just amazing and very thorough, but each word meaningfully so. I have found sometimes when I pray this prayer it breaks through the fog that is blinding or paralyzing me. It did that today.
What truths to hold onto were that I was good, now I am not saying I am good because of myself. but that I God made a good thing when He made us. I was reminded of this by watching The Shack Restored this morning, Paul Young talks here about parts of his book; the truths that God uses to heal him. He began with the word Wholeness. "Wholeness is When the Truth of your Being Matches the Way of Your Being". He says how he overcame a pornography addiction, an outflow of his childhood trauma that followed him into marriage and wasn't exposed until everything in his life blew-up. That it is gone now, not by effort, not by being afraid of God sending him to hell, but simply because he finally learned the truth of his being, that he is good. He then takes us back to the creation in Genesis, Garden of Eden, everything that God created was good, good, good. Then He created man "in our image" and He called man "very good". We had to be very good before any damage happened. Adam had damage happen, and a lot of us did too; I referenced some of mine in the last post. But our damage doesn't make us Bad, contrary to what the liar who hangs out on the periphery of our lives tells us anytime bad things happened to us as we grew up. It just makes us believe we are Bad, but we can DISAGREE with it, when resting in Holy Spirit we are allowed to see the lie, and we can AGREE with the truth that Jesus has accomplished for us on the cross, we are now good, very good again. It's Jesus heart in us, Max Lucado, among others teaches us that Jesus has given us a heart transplant. But what good does it do us if we don't choose to agree with it? We live in the truth of it, but we don't get to experience the truth of it.
I saw my daughter after I had wrestled and begun with Holy Spirit it finally beat it again, and I was very intense let's say. I was so mad that it had wrapped itself around me again until I could not see at all for while, but I felt so bad, afraid and misjudging all I was deciding etc. It was really hard to go forward while agreeing with that belief, to be truthful it was impossible. I was so excited to be free, if even for a moment! As I shared with her she began to tear up, she believes these lies too! and she does not have the same experiences in her childhood that I did at all. But she also has the same enemy, who waited along around her seeking opportunity to use any event to plant the same lies as me. I am bad, so every decision I make is bad? Yep, so I can't go forward, I can't change my life, I can't even trust myself? Yep. Only, not today, Holy Spirit, Jesus and His loving Abba father saved us both today.
We did have to decide to, while the truth was before our face, walk in it. Walk like it was true. And we did, we got things done today. Depression sucks, but it does not have to win, it does not have to stay the truest thing about us. The lies that bind us up DO get changed, and someday there will be no more. In heaven at least! But it's still fact I hold onto, because God only makes good things, and he made you and I friend and He gave us a Helper, the Holy Spirit to be with us always, like always always that leads us out of the fog and into the truth we need for today.
You are a precious heart! You matter! You are never alone! (quote: Paul Young)
Such wonderful truths.
This year it is starting school. I was very, well not very, but at least comfortably engaged in a part time job, that I could do, but that offered little availability for advancement. I began starting looking toward going to school six months ago, finally decided on something I think may fit, and here I am, it starts next week and my job ended last week, the week before Christmas. I've had a week at home and as usual I'm miserable and wonderful alternately. Every time I rest I get uncomfortable, working my butt of physically worked for me, but I'm 48 years old now. I wanted to think of the future. So, I signed up for school and we are finding funding to pay for it.
The lies that came up this time were different than the last post, these were more foundational, not so event specific. When I prayed and I mean really prayed, I found a great prayer from someone else that knows God in a way I am just learning to that asks God to send His ministering spirits, angels, to fight on my behalf the things that bind me up. Here is a link if you are interested: www.perichoresis.org/prayer-1/ . It is so immersed in the essence of Jesus first, and the Father it's just amazing and very thorough, but each word meaningfully so. I have found sometimes when I pray this prayer it breaks through the fog that is blinding or paralyzing me. It did that today.
What truths to hold onto were that I was good, now I am not saying I am good because of myself. but that I God made a good thing when He made us. I was reminded of this by watching The Shack Restored this morning, Paul Young talks here about parts of his book; the truths that God uses to heal him. He began with the word Wholeness. "Wholeness is When the Truth of your Being Matches the Way of Your Being". He says how he overcame a pornography addiction, an outflow of his childhood trauma that followed him into marriage and wasn't exposed until everything in his life blew-up. That it is gone now, not by effort, not by being afraid of God sending him to hell, but simply because he finally learned the truth of his being, that he is good. He then takes us back to the creation in Genesis, Garden of Eden, everything that God created was good, good, good. Then He created man "in our image" and He called man "very good". We had to be very good before any damage happened. Adam had damage happen, and a lot of us did too; I referenced some of mine in the last post. But our damage doesn't make us Bad, contrary to what the liar who hangs out on the periphery of our lives tells us anytime bad things happened to us as we grew up. It just makes us believe we are Bad, but we can DISAGREE with it, when resting in Holy Spirit we are allowed to see the lie, and we can AGREE with the truth that Jesus has accomplished for us on the cross, we are now good, very good again. It's Jesus heart in us, Max Lucado, among others teaches us that Jesus has given us a heart transplant. But what good does it do us if we don't choose to agree with it? We live in the truth of it, but we don't get to experience the truth of it.
I saw my daughter after I had wrestled and begun with Holy Spirit it finally beat it again, and I was very intense let's say. I was so mad that it had wrapped itself around me again until I could not see at all for while, but I felt so bad, afraid and misjudging all I was deciding etc. It was really hard to go forward while agreeing with that belief, to be truthful it was impossible. I was so excited to be free, if even for a moment! As I shared with her she began to tear up, she believes these lies too! and she does not have the same experiences in her childhood that I did at all. But she also has the same enemy, who waited along around her seeking opportunity to use any event to plant the same lies as me. I am bad, so every decision I make is bad? Yep, so I can't go forward, I can't change my life, I can't even trust myself? Yep. Only, not today, Holy Spirit, Jesus and His loving Abba father saved us both today.
We did have to decide to, while the truth was before our face, walk in it. Walk like it was true. And we did, we got things done today. Depression sucks, but it does not have to win, it does not have to stay the truest thing about us. The lies that bind us up DO get changed, and someday there will be no more. In heaven at least! But it's still fact I hold onto, because God only makes good things, and he made you and I friend and He gave us a Helper, the Holy Spirit to be with us always, like always always that leads us out of the fog and into the truth we need for today.
You are a precious heart! You matter! You are never alone! (quote: Paul Young)
Such wonderful truths.
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