Face the Light

 "Face the light", he said

"Don't hide, face the Light"

"You know you are uncomfortable, Face the light and find out why."

I stood there, this didn't even come on because I had picked it, it was just there.

I get this thing, in my gut sometimes. 

My brain tries this or that to use at the reason it is here.

It isn't

I stood there and said yes, I know something is there, going on. But I don't know what it is.

I forgot, or am just learning, that some of what we know is not in words yet.

So I faced, I do know enough at least that the Light is safe

and FOR me, not against me.

Though exposure isn't guaranteed to not be painful.

I faced it, no words. 

Have you ever had no words 

If anything, it is at least rare.


Then some come, in a whisper

they come

not enough

This is more than my brain trying to fill a void, these come from inside me somewhere deep

It's a mantra that is on repeat 8 hours a day, this was hour 7.

All I know is that I feel    so    bad... those last few hours

and it just builds.


Now what?

Just give it to Jesus, he said. 

It's not like I haven't before

but maybe

maybe

I can just do it, again.


Jesus never cleans out a room, with out filling it afterwards.


What do you give in it's place Jesus?

Something comes... and more does later,

...when I wasn't looking.


I try to remember, 

I try to hold onto


but I find

it works better

when I just agree,

"Keep, please"


Who changes a human's mind?  Not a human.

but it never changes without consent, not without the human beings 

agreement


Until it comes out of 

me

another whisper

I am enough


That comes out of me too.

How did it get there?


Do we ever stop to ask?


I certainly didn't put it there, I absorbed the world's

--i am not--


but that I am enough

well, it comes out of me too.


Maybe, I am not alone in here.

maybe someone in me

is also FOR me.


Maybe there is more to me than I know. 












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