Journey Out of Hiding

Finding Godde's hands underneath all my pain All I see is a black whole no end in sight Facing it seems absurd but continuing to hold on impossible My strength fails me my hands are bloodied and sore my soul exhausted from trying to protect myself  from the fear Alone, Hurt, Scared that is the bottom I know My very first knowing Don't I alone know all? Sometimes I am just not there yet at the bottom the true bottom where hands hold me in the dark Where there is Something so much bigger than I so much wiser than I  so much more capable  than I Isn't that what hope whispers to us? We just have already  looked  into all the places it isn't. Sometimes I have not yet taken the leap to face nothingness to risk finding Someone I cannot see Someone who I do not know well, yet.  We risk it all the time looking to something else to save us something that promises one thing but only half delivers or delivers  bondage It makes sense why don't we trust  unseen...

Holy can you please help? I am feeling bad again, after work, again. Help me to focus on listening to what you all say to me.  I tried to let it be quiet this afternoon at work so I could hear you.  So I could listen. Why does it hurt so bad? It's just work. just dumb stuff is that all I am worth to the world? No. Not by a long shot but it is what I chose I chose out of fear Out of tired Out of self-preservation. And I am forgiven too. You see, I didn't listen to myself back then back when I did something I considered 'more valuable' Oh, I listened, but just to the noisy part inside of me not the quiet parts They were relegated to the basement.  My inner critic ruled them with a rod of iron. Ofta, when I could finally hear her! I hurt all over, worse than today! and every day too. It's not that bad since I started letting them come to the surface. Listening to them too. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus I am lost in my thoughts again and don't know where to turn. Oh! I forgot...