Things I love

Finding Godde's hands underneath all my pain


All I see is a black whole

no end in sight

Facing it seems absurd

but continuing to hold on

impossible


My strength fails me

my hands are bloodied and sore

my soul exhausted

from trying to protect myself 

from the fear


Alone, Hurt, Scared

that is the bottom I know

My very first knowing


Don't I alone know

all?


Sometimes

I am just not there yet

at the bottom

the true bottom

where hands hold me

in the dark


Where there is Something

so much bigger than I

so much wiser than I 

so much more capable 

than

I

Isn't that

what hope whispers to us?


We just have already 

looked 

into all the places

it isn't.


Sometimes

I have not yet

taken the leap

to face

nothingness

to risk

finding Someone I cannot see

Someone who I do not know

well, yet. 


We risk it all the time

looking to something else

to save us

something that promises one thing

but only half delivers

or delivers 

bondage


It makes sense why don't we trust 

unseen 

Show me first,

then I will believe


Take the leap at trusting Me,

we are whispered

Then you will see.


The world has proved to us love does not exist

not in reality

So why do we keep looking there?


Something within us

keeps telling us

to HOPE

Even in the midst of the pain

Maybe, especially 

in the midst of the pain

when it also seems the most 

impossible to do so


While a love to big to understand

offers to hold our hand

and look 

into the abyss with us


We find

it is not

there is "nothing" there

but instead

there is a beautiful thing there

and it is me,

being held.


There are hands

underneath my abyss 


Sometimes

I am just not there yet.

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