Why does it hurt so bad? Today's answer

Holy can you please help?

I am feeling bad again, after work, again.

Help me to focus on listening to what you all say to me. 

I tried to let it be quiet this afternoon at work so I could hear you. 

So I could listen.

Why does it hurt so bad? It's just work.

just dumb stuff

is that all I am worth to the world?

No. Not by a long shot

but it is what I chose

I chose out of fear

Out of tired

Out of self-preservation.

And I am forgiven too.


You see, I didn't listen to myself back then

back when I did something I considered 'more valuable'

Oh, I listened, but just to the noisy part inside of me

not the quiet parts

They were relegated to the basement. 

My inner critic ruled them with a rod of iron.

Ofta, when I could finally hear her!

I hurt all over, worse than today!

and every day too.

It's not that bad since I started letting them come to the surface.

Listening to them too.


Jesus, Jesus, Jesus I am lost in my thoughts again and don't know where to turn.

Oh! I forgot! I can hand a feeling... to you.

I don't have to know WHY it is

or WHAT it is,

I just... hand it to you


and You give something back.

Something beautiful

Because love never takes with out giving back

So, what do you give back today?


I see you looking at me, like I look at a baby I am very fond of

As I sat quietly, to let it come

It wasn't a big feeling today,

but it was peaceful.


and the sad, bad feeling, after it was gone, then 

it was just off to the side again, 

and it got to get held

by you too.


all parts are accepted in you.

you know us all 

and are very fond of us


I repent for the terrible burdens I place on myself. 

I thought perfection was what you wanted, or demanded

it turns out it isn't.

Relationship is what you want

but we feel afraid,

the word afraid doesn't even touch how strong the feeling is 

and how deep it goes.

Afraid you too will reject us.

You know what?

Not today,

No, today that fear isn't ruling over me anymore.


I am so grateful you are underneath how deeply that gets imbedded into us.

Deeper than the deepest ocean.

Deeper than the deepest cave we bury our hurting parts in.

Poor parts, they just need love too.

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