You matter....

 You Matter


A dream

Rather a nightmare


The dream set in the times of castles

Peasants, small houses with thatched roofs and

Open air markets 


I am in tattered clothing

One layer, a sackcloth dress

Unkempt hair long that the face can hide under

The face is downcast

intentionally trying 

Not to be noticed

If I looked as plain and undesirable as possible

If I do not make eye contact 

If I do not speak

Maybe…

I will be safe


This is what hiding looks like


Then I see him of whom I seem to have escaped

Waltz in through the city gate

Tall, cloaked beings at his sides 

his stride is proud

Arrogant

his eyes searching… for his possession


he doesn’t like it when one gets away

he is searching for his captive

his possession

The one he used as he pleased


And he is pleased simply to torture


My eyes, while seeming to be looking 

At the market stalls

As if I could purchase the goods there

Were much more watching what was around me

My defense,

To see him

Before he could see me


I did

I saw him stride in through the gate into the castle’s keep

To claim his lost possession 

his escaped prisoner

me


As I kept an eye on him

I began to gently

Gingerly

Move closer to the castle 

Further up and further in


There are more people up closer

More places to disappear


Dusk was growing

And I come upon a fire

I pass it by, that is not the safety I am searching for


Then in front of me

Two children come into view

One child is bullying another

I interrupt my flight to separate them

I place the downtrodden

out of harm’s way


But it took too long

My torturer spotted me

his steps turn straight towards me


Adrenalin fuels my pace

I head to the castle

Somewhere I believe he will not follow

There is a door on the side

Hidden in the dark


I slip in  

And I think 

I am safe

I breathe again

I begin calmly once again

To walk along the corridor


Then I notice to my left

That like a modern storefront

There is a wall of glass 

And my heart drops

When I see

he is seeing me

he is keeping pace with me

A sadistic smile at his lips


Flight takes hold of me and I run


I find a stair and I bolt into its darkness

As far as I can get is my only goal

The tallest spire of the castle 

Is what I have found


Soon I am at the door in the room at the very top

It seems I know to where I am going

It was supposed to be safe


As my hand is on the latch

And the propulsion of my flight

Presses me through the door

My mind ignites…

This room is at the front of the castle

This room has a balcony

This is the way he will come, not through a door


On the other side of this door

I will be right into his arms


Terror like none I’ve ever known 

pulses through my veins

I cannot stop myself quickly enough


I am falling through the door

Expecting to see my torturer

Anticipating the embrace of living death

Once again


Yet, as I fall

Who is there instead?


Kneeling on His battle worn sword

His head is bowed


This… is not my enemy


My mind reels 

There is No torturer?


Revelation illuminates through me

No, the torturer will never

Own

Me

again


In the terror of unrealized

expectation

My pounding heart and 

gasping breath wake me


After the first griping of myself 

That I am not taken

That I am safe


I think to my savior

My knight as it where

Kneeling on his sword?


And I begin to feel 

distraught


My Savior,

I knew he was there for me,

Why did he not look

At me?


The question accuses me


Did He think me 

Too dirty

(hmm, where does this come from?

Not him)

Having come 

in from hiding

Into the castle

From living rough

Was I too dirty?

Or

Did He think me too plain 

To be bothered with


Did he think… (the mind can keep going… can’t it?)


Why was the door open 

So all, or any, even me, could come in?


He thought none of this

But I did


All this and worse have I believed

Of Him


I didn’t believe You Jesus

Who is Father

Who too is Holy Spirit

Would look at me


But You do



Later,

Much later


It became clear to me

After asking


That this was 

MY 

View

Of you

“God” 

Too good for 

Me…

And probably any

Who were dirty

And afraid


But this was you showing me

You are not that

Not at all

This was showing me

Instead

That you came to rescue me

Even when 

I believed

There 

Was

Only 

Me…

Against

The embodiment 

of all evil


So, I was

Rescued


Even though

I ran

From it

Again


And every time

I return

You 

Are 

Still

There


And the torturer

Is 

Not

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