Journey Out of Hiding

I love days like the last post, when I'm fighting back and in the game, etc. Today was not one of those days, and this is what I really want to share with people, so they too can experience it, because Holy Spirit is with them too.  I got hit, I didn't quite 'get it' right when it happened, but my whole countenance changed for the whole day.  I was still me, but I was 'affected' and it was like I was moving slower, through mud.  I felt hit, I didn't know why. I didn't know what it made me think, how ridiculous of me to assume I could.  Instead, I went on to the 'next thing' in my day and just resisted; tried to ignore. That wins the fight, in some people's minds, but in fact, it really does not, it just puts it aside for later. Now, I'm going to preface a little bit, because that's what I do. I do not know if you can have a relationship with God without dealing with past issues. I can't. He won't let me, well that is n...

Proposed; if our mind is capable of simultaneously working on a task, work, study, and worrying, or planning dinner, or replaying the last conversation we had with someone, then shouldn't it also be able to turn to God instead?  I say this because I am sitting here studying, using my brain, and it is distracted by all of those kinds of thoughts I mentioned. Mostly I'm caught thinking about things that are not going on right now. Now, the only I know how to avoid, or recover those thoughts is to stop and talk it out to God. That is all fine a good but I do not always have the time, to stop, look and listen , as the saying goes. I can pause for a minute and turn from the task at hand to ask for His assistance and  I think that is appropriate; for who is to be our source anyway, work? I think not. So, who is to say my mind cannot be 'face to face' with God when I am also doing thinking?  I mean, all these other thoughts are going on, and I am just trying to ignore them l...

The  I gotta be right  thing  also carries the fear of death if I am wrong. That fear of death that  the author of Hebrews talks about in 2:14-15, "   and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all of their lives."  The who might free those, is Jesus. This means my brothers and sisters and I who also suffer from debilitating fears that people cannot see.  There is so much more about Jesus in this chapter, he came for us, not leaving us alone.  "Therefore, since the children share in flesh and blood, He Himself likewise also partook of the same , (meaning our flesh and blood) that through death He might render powerless him who had the power of death, that is, the devil,   and might free those who through fear of death were subject to slavery all of their lives ."  I have been praying about this for years, always he has lead me to peace for the day through  truth. Equally always, there is one day enoug...

This gotta be right, thing; the never ending looking for what to do, is sometimes just trying to decide what is the most right ?  Every freedom is incremental. The revelations of truth are sudden and frees the feelings immediately and it feels like it is going to last forever, but we are more complex than that so learning to walk in the new truth takes time. I had left the blogging and was doing life when I a memory of myself in my childhood came floating around my consciousness. When I was between 2-4, a situation happened that made me very afraid. Wondering if this was just my imagination or was Holy Spirit going to reveal something to me, something about it started to make sense in relation to the I gotta do it right revelation I shared in the last post. In my fear of the circumstance that was going on I had conjured up an image of myself that was older, she would be able to protect me. The interpretation of this seems to be that I decided to cover my vulnerability w...

I just love how he sorts out my emotions for me. My participation is making the choice to give him my full attention and to wait with him. I have to ask for his help to quiet my own racing thoughts, especially when I'm emotional.  I usually finally end up saying, " I just want to hear You". Meaning ,  I don't want to hear my thoughts for awhile, those aren't helping me right now. Today's help was no different, clearing my perspective of something I got caught up in again yesterday. I didn't know what it was, I just knew I have had this feeling before, and I didn't like it. He, peace, was so far away from it. He revealed to me that I was thinking again that we need to have it all right, like just right, and if I don't I won't be allowed "in"; into the good life with Him.  This is a catch of mine, I always wanted to do it right.  That I have to believe perfectly, have all the truth down cold in order to please him, to get to be wit...

It sure is!!  This is a quote from the book The Shack, author Wm. Paul Young. He said it was his favorite line from his book.   It does not sound like a 'good' thing, incremental healing, we want it quick don't we?  I remember back in the first years, oh.. well, maybe up until just the last few, but who's counting anyway?  I was always thinking "This has just GOT to be the last time!"  The last time what you may be wondering?  The last time something awful had to come out of me, or that I had to go through some awful emotions to come out the other side still with Jesus instead of wanting to be in some insane asylum somewhere. Like a quote from a movie, "Oh, to go out of my mind and to come back when I was in a fit state to drive it again!".  She was going through a hard time, and not acting like 'herself'. Leaving her senses sounded like a blessed relief; only it didn't come, she still had to deal with her life messy as it was. I said...

That last post was over a year ago.  I didn't post it until today when I came back to write another one, on the same subject. Today I am on yet another new adventure, why does He keep bringing them when they cause me this much pain!?  Oh, yeah, He's good and it is to set me free. Well, that's what happened again today. This year it is starting school. I was very, well not very, but at least comfortably engaged in a part time job, that I could do, but that offered little availability for advancement.  I began starting looking toward going to school six months ago, finally decided on something I think may fit, and here I am, it starts next week and my job ended last week, the week before Christmas. I've had a week at home and as usual I'm miserable and wonderful alternately. Every time I rest I get uncomfortable, working my butt of physically worked for me, but I'm 48 years old now. I wanted to think of the future. So, I signed up for school and we are finding f...

Something new is going on again. Every time something changes stuff gets stirred up, at least now I know it when it is happening. Well, I did at first. The change from excitement to real dread was so drastic, but now, just a couple months later, the dread is getting normal again. I don't want to let that happen.  This change, it is supposed to be a good thing.  It will be a good thing.  It probably is a good thing right now, only all I keep feeling is terror and all I keep doing is avoiding it. It has brought up some pretty scaring things, I have been taking those to God, talking to Him about them, facing the fears or whatever the emotions and inviting Him into the scary.  Begging Him to change me so this doesn't seem so true. Some books have come along during this time, the sense being, "I must do this now, no matter what I avoid to do it."  They have saved my life, teaching me truths about God I needed in this place of new things, change that always excite...