That Gotta be Right thing again...
This gotta be right, thing; the never ending looking for what to do, is sometimes just trying to decide what is the most right? Every freedom is incremental. The revelations of truth are sudden and frees the feelings immediately and it feels like it is going to last forever, but we are more complex than that so learning to walk in the new truth takes time.
I had left the blogging and was doing life when I a memory of myself in my childhood came floating around my consciousness. When I was between 2-4, a situation happened that made me very afraid. Wondering if this was just my imagination or was Holy Spirit going to reveal something to me, something about it started to make sense in relation to the I gotta do it right revelation I shared in the last post. In my fear of the circumstance that was going on I had conjured up an image of myself that was older, she would be able to protect me. The interpretation of this seems to be that I decided to cover my vulnerability with responsibility; doing things right. I thought I would be safe then.
Safety is a hugely strong motivation, it can cause great feats to be accomplished but can they be sustained? Or is this why we eventually get exhausted? Leaning only on ourselves, believing the God of our present is like the god of our past, who we did not know at all. When I was a child, the only god I knew were the adults around me, loving me as much as they could, they could still only be made in the image of, and not the true God. Hence, they made mistakes and I was left with conclusions about life from those mistakes. Then of course, we are not alone in coming up with our conclusions, right? There is an 'other' who is always hanging around our periphery, the edges of us, just waiting for opportunity to implant lies to us. Wrong ideas lead to destruction, the other or enemies ideas.
A different choice rose up out of me today. I was disagreeing with the conclusion that has been driving me all of my life. I was instead disagreeing with the compulsion to be right. Another truth was brought to my memory as this was going on. Jesus gave up all of his rights when he came to earth for us. The revelation of God's responsibility for me in the last post was the catalyst for that springing forth from me; it wasn't a choice, it was a reaction. It flowed from within me.
It brought up some emotion, changing my position. An insidious thought of -what's going to happen now? You know you weren't safe being a child-. The child could only know what she could see, feel and touch. It is said, "children are great recorders, but lousy interpreters". Children see things very clearly, not missing half of what adults think they do, but our conclusions can be way off. Not to mention, we have that lying 'other' hanging around tossing in ideas that were not our own.
So, I was still believing that childhood impression that I something bad would happen if I let go of my own protection. How much has my protection really helped me? We are the least able to protect ourselves, we need each other for that. We need trusting God for that too, instead of ourselves. I have seen, because I don't do my conclusion to perfection, because I am united with Christ, that when I have trusted others and been vulnerable, I have been immensely safer than when alone and hidden.
So I asked for His help to trust Him, to see His good face, not the face that is not even the truth about Him. There was more peace and nothing else about this until the next day. There is always more to Him, always more freedom He wants to give to us for that abundant life he promises in John 10:10. We are on a journey, and the journey is just as important as the destination.
I had left the blogging and was doing life when I a memory of myself in my childhood came floating around my consciousness. When I was between 2-4, a situation happened that made me very afraid. Wondering if this was just my imagination or was Holy Spirit going to reveal something to me, something about it started to make sense in relation to the I gotta do it right revelation I shared in the last post. In my fear of the circumstance that was going on I had conjured up an image of myself that was older, she would be able to protect me. The interpretation of this seems to be that I decided to cover my vulnerability with responsibility; doing things right. I thought I would be safe then.
Safety is a hugely strong motivation, it can cause great feats to be accomplished but can they be sustained? Or is this why we eventually get exhausted? Leaning only on ourselves, believing the God of our present is like the god of our past, who we did not know at all. When I was a child, the only god I knew were the adults around me, loving me as much as they could, they could still only be made in the image of, and not the true God. Hence, they made mistakes and I was left with conclusions about life from those mistakes. Then of course, we are not alone in coming up with our conclusions, right? There is an 'other' who is always hanging around our periphery, the edges of us, just waiting for opportunity to implant lies to us. Wrong ideas lead to destruction, the other or enemies ideas.
A different choice rose up out of me today. I was disagreeing with the conclusion that has been driving me all of my life. I was instead disagreeing with the compulsion to be right. Another truth was brought to my memory as this was going on. Jesus gave up all of his rights when he came to earth for us. The revelation of God's responsibility for me in the last post was the catalyst for that springing forth from me; it wasn't a choice, it was a reaction. It flowed from within me.
It brought up some emotion, changing my position. An insidious thought of -what's going to happen now? You know you weren't safe being a child-. The child could only know what she could see, feel and touch. It is said, "children are great recorders, but lousy interpreters". Children see things very clearly, not missing half of what adults think they do, but our conclusions can be way off. Not to mention, we have that lying 'other' hanging around tossing in ideas that were not our own.
So, I was still believing that childhood impression that I something bad would happen if I let go of my own protection. How much has my protection really helped me? We are the least able to protect ourselves, we need each other for that. We need trusting God for that too, instead of ourselves. I have seen, because I don't do my conclusion to perfection, because I am united with Christ, that when I have trusted others and been vulnerable, I have been immensely safer than when alone and hidden.
So I asked for His help to trust Him, to see His good face, not the face that is not even the truth about Him. There was more peace and nothing else about this until the next day. There is always more to Him, always more freedom He wants to give to us for that abundant life he promises in John 10:10. We are on a journey, and the journey is just as important as the destination.
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